So I’m pretty sure that Lift-a-holic is a real thing and I decided that since I am suffering from not lifting and i’m itching to train… maybe this is exactly what I am.
So for the record – I placed 4th at the Ontario’s qualifying myself for the Nationals which I will attend in the summer of 2015! I can’t wait!
After finishing the show, I took some time off training and eating within my plan. It’s Wednesday now so i’ve only been off since Saturday post show, but let me tell you taking this time off was one of the hardest things to do.
I think most people would say they have an issue with their bingeing, some may even have an issue with self image… Myself, I have an issue with taking time off the gym.
Thinking back to the last few years, I don’t think i’ve spent more than 14 days total out of the gym. I made sure everytime I went on vacation etc I was always lifting. Some of you may say ” FUCK YA ! MERICA!!!” but really, what happens to my identity when I take a couple days off the gym…
There is so much more substance to everyday life. I found myself lost with no idea what to do with a full day to myself… no obligations, no meals to get in… just to live. Needless to say I was up from the crack of dawn to the peak of the evening because I was full of unused energy. I started to think more and more about how little time off I had, and the post I made last week about resting and how your body loves it… and here I am reflecting on the advice I seldom take for myself. Here I am likely on the edge of burning out and I had no idea.
I feel like a caged animal right now, and although “no rest days ever” is something I hear a lot of, I doubt those people are able to give it their whole self, their whole mental focus. I want to be able to perform my best. This time off made me think about a lot of things in terms of my family, friends, training, nutrition, whatever else. I mean – it’s not like I completely neglect my friends and family and all that… If you know me you know me as Beaner – the freaking nut job 5 foot 2 rager. I go to concerts and I mosh… I throw people around and get flying elbows to the head. Sometimes those emo floppy salmon kids who do that stupid throwdown kick me in the head… All of that stuff is my thing. No matter how dead I am I make sure I get to enjoy those times.
At the same token, even though I enjoy that, I also have myself so caught up in getting training in, when it comes time to wind down at night James and I are like, ok lets just go to bed. Sometimes Jubilee is ready to party and we’ve only had one little walk… or we’ve only got to do her OB work for a short time. I hate that feeling. It rides on my conscience.
These couple of days, although busy because I’m trying to invest much more time into my business and my upcoming camp with Ella, i’m running the club while Kim and Gord are on Holidays… They made me think more about what the hell i’ve been doing all of these years. Yeah i’m a freaking liftaholic… I don’t get my fix I get wild. Although a great outlet, I still think I need to ease up and allow myself the break. Discussed the probability that I have some whacked out hormones from not allowing myself rest time… cortisol levels all crazy and whatever else may have its toll. Mentally and hormonally, I realize these days have been good for me. In terms of my overall progression, maybe I’ve been hindering it by not resting enough. I’m a natural athlete and i’m trying to gain all of the gains… Maybe my approach was wrong.
It’s really hard to take your own advice. With that said I’m looking forward to letting someone else handle my programming this offseason. I am also looking forward to giving myself at least one full rest day a week if not more. It’s time to be okay if i fuck up my macros for a day…. it’s time to let go of the control.
I may have a healthy lifestyle, I may not have a problem with my views on food, i may not have body image issues (other than perhaps wanting to be huge) but I definitely have an issue with my obsession with the gym. It’s good to love it, but its another thing to let it consume me. I can let it be my drug, but I can’t abuse it… or it won’t support me. It can medicate, but like any medication, too much and it’s not good anymore. Like any medication, you come off it and you go crazy.
Time to moderate this crazy life of mine…. maybe I need to get back on my BMX… but it’s time to have more substance than just the dumbbells. Life awaits, and it only comes around one time.